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Friday, December 30, 2011

My summary...

There, 2011 is coming to an end...

My rating oh no... my evil manager and director rated my this year performance 2.7 out of 5!!!
Tsk! WTH!
I've worked so hard, accepted all new task assigned, me without experience I knew very well myself has achieved more than the suck rating score!
I love my company so much and why it came two gorillas ruined my stage >.> Bless you~ in the other way round xD
Oh well...
I'm not suppose to give my 100% all into my career! >>>> My next year solution yahoo!
Well, god knows how I loved my job =)
But true, this year has given my the greatest challenge ever...
I've to say sorry to anyone who have hurt by me in this year....
I've to say I love you to anyone who love me in this year...
I've to say I miss you to someone who I've missed to talk to this year...
See, this is how I've wasted my time in 2011... *sigh*
Anyhow, I need to continue my path that I've chosen since last year until next year.
Hopefully people who surrounding me will continue to give me support and I can continue to be better...
Sorry 2011, I'm such a failure and yes! I will do my best for 2012!


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Thursday, November 24, 2011

Am I?

I was so excited whenever my alarm is waking me up, telling me it is time to work!
However this doesn't last long for me...
Nowadays, whenever my alarm is waking me up, I feel like "Argh! I Don't want to go to the field!"
I clearly know why my feeling towards my beloved office, has fade away.
Because, my bosses lost the faith on me and so do I...
They judge, no! They didn't judge but their narrow mind set judged me. It slowly and unconsciously pulling me away from my performance stage.
Just because of my innocent actions that made a few misunderstanding in between us. Which I personally though that my boss should have trust me in a way, that I am working with him, team up with him and he is my boss, he is with me, together we reach the goals that given by our boss.
After yesterday, I realized, I am not suitable to be here, this is a place that I shouldn't begin with.
I was love my job very much!
I love my team mates!
I love my bosses!
I love my company mission statement!
I love my colleagues!
I love my customers!
But, night mare didn't stop since my father past away.... Since the beginning of my new role assigned by my boss.
I have no experience, I have no chance to get a proper lead, their expectation on me is just too high just because they do not know me well, they dont know what I'm working on during the days that they have not joined company, and at the end...
Screwed up my appraisal, rating is suck until myself can't believe myself is that suck in working out my role.
I have been told that I need to learn the logical way that as a boss will think...
In my own perspective, I think that it's just because I couldn't find the logical as they said, that's why I'm still not capable to work as a management officer.
Am I wrong to have a though an actions like that?
Am I?
I didn't say anything to anybody but to talk to my own blog...
Dear blog, wish me luck! I want to fly away with colors!


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Friday, November 11, 2011

It's Not My Fault When...

I was such a fool~ Work for money~ Work for live~

Work is taking a part of my daily routine about 12 hours almost everyday...
Yesterday is the day I've done my appraisal, which is the most shameful rating that I got in my life after I've been work for x time companies... WTH!
Seriously, If you do not know me, please don't rate my performance like this... I've work for so hard that no body knows and aware since I don't like to showoff!
It is not my fault when I able to finished my daily task and turn my way to back home after office hour...
It is not my fault when I didn't do overtime work when I got nothing more daily task to work with...
It is not my fault when the I didn't make showoff myself...
It is not my fault when people didn't see my strength since I didn't showoff which I don't like to do...
It is not my fault when people didn't give me a chance to maximize my performance...
So, your rating on my appraisal only will makes me sick and soon I will leave for good~

God, bless me please... Help me to get away from these evil things happened on me!
I'm just the normal human who wanted to work for live only and peace...

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Thursday, October 6, 2011

I want to REST!

I was working hard for so long~ really long...
After I served as an employee after a year, I took a 7 days rest within 2 weeks...
and I continue to work hard, even Saturday...
I know, I'm not self-center but my physical and mental are both tired!
I can't perform anymore if I keep working like this...
I request, a reasonable one, a proper rest day with an outing with my friends...
I can't believe I got questioned like a prisoner!
Enough is enough, I work for live, is not live to work...
I didn't sell my life to you, honestly I'm still working to the best as I can!
I got pressured by customers, by boss and now you came, you too giving me unneeded pressure!
If you think that I'm not deserved it, just do whatever you like to kick me out will do.
My life is still okay even without you, please bear in mind!

Regards,
From the very disappointed worker

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Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Work vs Word

I choose to work, but I didn't choose to get scold.
No matter how nice the word I choose. still it can't help me with my work.
I manage my word however my word didn't work.
My work knocking me off with the word they used.
What should I do? Continue?
I admired and love TVXQ and JYJ so much!
I'm keeping myself to be strong like them!
They've been trough so many obstacles and they're still facing their new obstacles every minutes and every seconds.
Compare to them, mine is just a small stone!
I must keep my self work very well with my own word!
Fighting! Fighting! Fighting!

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Monday, September 26, 2011

Where is my future?

I always wonder, how it would be if I'm doing this, if I'm doing that.

Knowing that it will not become as what I expected myself to be, but this is how I always think...
Be myself!
Although while being myself I will lose myself too since sometimes I'm too considerable about others, sometimes I'm too forgetful!
Yes!
I do, because I'm keeping myself to think wise and living with the best happy mood as I can.
Somehow, it doesn't work since I got too many works to do!
My schedule is about work, work, work and work.
No matter how hard I try, still couldn't beat my inner-self.
While I'm working harder, my employer expect me to work much more harder.
While I need a rest, my employer expect me not to rest!
Am my life suppose to be like this? I'm trying to make a change, but I was worried too much and failed to bring myself to keep the balance in between work and my rest.
Am I suppose to stop now, or I suppose to move on?
Am I suppose to accept this, or I suppose to give-out?
Am I suppose to think twice, or I suppose to go ahead without thinking?
I've lost too much of precious time on my career, however without my career I couldn't move on my life.
My goal, is to get my dreams come true and to meet my goal, I need to work!!!!
Seriously, I need a break!



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Monday, June 13, 2011

难念的经。。。

人生,有很多选择。。。就是父母亲不能选,兄弟姐妹不能选。。。

坦白说,我的家庭虽然不完美,但是我还是抱着希望我的家庭能够和睦共处。。。
事实确是,希望本来很难实现。有人说,希望是能够实现,需要计划,需要行动,就能实现。
但为什么我想要我的家庭和平却没办法。。。
父亲离开了我们,留下了一大笔债务。母亲这个时候回来,我应该很高兴,但却带来更多的烦恼。哥哥那不负责任的态度和行为让我和妹妹们活在辛苦的屋檐下。我很高兴,妹妹们没有让我操心。但就因为母亲爱哥哥的这颗心及恨父亲的这颗心让我好难过好难过。。。
我很努力的替母亲找了一份能寄托的工作,她却还没放下那十几年没好日子过的埋怨,继续埋怨,她还没能接受不是少奶奶的事实,继续依赖。我和大妹都很辛苦,因为原来一个人如果再怎么不想行动,真的是不会付出行动。。。哥哥也一样的,每天说忙开会,但却一点家的负担都没扛下。小妹还想继续念书,我和大妹都很累了,却应为这都是我们的家所以我们还继续努力的工作。。。到底几时母亲和哥哥才会改变,我和妹妹们都已经尽力了。。。


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Sunday, May 15, 2011

My blog... My Diary...

I though I was long forgotten about my blog, but it seems like I often coming back without update it... It's my bad that my blog has lost its use as a blog while I did not return to types some alphabets on it! iPhailed!!!
It's been, almost a year... Since I started my career path, I've abandoned my own interest;Watch anime, listen music, active in forums, update blog, drink hot chocolate, cook breakfast and many more... What a big lost while I'm doing my job passionately at the same time I forgot about my own happiness unconsciously. In another way, I learn a lot! I met a lot of peoples, I face a lot of obstacles, I went trough a lot of issues... but I enjoyed it! From colleagues to friends, from friends to family...
I was once met a bunch of crazy peoples!
~They were my best partners in 'crime' xD We laugh together, sing together, eat together, drink together, sleep together, shout together, cry together, dance together! It was fun but soon I realized that, we will change. I'm glad that we're not changed dramatically, but change for our own good sake. They were so lovely and they're now a good couple! Wish they stay happy together!
~They were my best teammates xD We were in training together, went trough test together, answer calls together, work together, complain together, share our stories together! It was fun but soon realized that, our paths are different. Luckily each of us has found our own path and continue to shine. They were so nice and sweet peoples that we went trough hardship period! Wish we will continue to shine!
~He was such a good manager to me, he leaded a brighter future to me, to let me have a good future. We were so busy and went trough a lot of our first time! First time meeting with leaders, first time training with leaders, first time organize an event together, first time became emcee together, first time succeed a promotion together! It was fun but soon it ended, he went to another place for his good sake and I continue to walk my path, continue the task that has been assigned to me since we're a team.
~My beloved father, the most important person to me in my life... He went to a place that far away from me... Up to the high sky that i cannot reach, to watch me shine... Dear father, I love you so much! Although it was only twenty years you take care of me, but for me it's an eternal and the greatest love ever! You are such a 100% good father to me! I miss you so much! Every time when I'm down, every time when I'm lost, you will appear in my mind, to tell me to be strong, continue to walk my path and to make you proud! Thank you so much father! For being someone, who love me so much, please protect me as always! Father, rest in peace... I will be here to let you watch over me...

Here was my update for whole the year, so many happening, so many changes, so many happiness and so many sadness. I guess, this is the most memorable year ever...

Now I got a new manager, and also a team mate, soon will have more team mates. However because of my lake of public relationship skill, my presence has been erased by my own team mate and my manager as well. I'm wondering, will I still able to continue the path that my previous manager has believed in me. Hope that some day my new manager will see my performance and result. I'm tired, really tired... I'm so weak that I let others to erase my presence easily. I hope I can do better...
Now I got new friends, friends that really concern about my everything, they smile and cry with me! I don't know if they will be my best friends forever, I hope they will be the one...
Now I got new interest! Swim and gym! I prefer swim though, I can wear my cute swim suit!
The end of this post, is my most terrible high fever day... I hope I will come back to update more often, not to let my blog feel lonely =)

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