Am I?

I was so excited whenever my alarm is waking me up, telling me it is time to work!
However this doesn't last long for me...
Nowadays, whenever my alarm is waking me up, I feel like "Argh! I Don't want to go to the field!"
I clearly know why my feeling towards my beloved office, has fade away.
Because, my bosses lost the faith on me and so do I...
They judge, no! They didn't judge but their narrow mind set judged me. It slowly and unconsciously pulling me away from my performance stage.
Just because of my innocent actions that made a few misunderstanding in between us. Which I personally though that my boss should have trust me in a way, that I am working with him, team up with him and he is my boss, he is with me, together we reach the goals that given by our boss.
After yesterday, I realized, I am not suitable to be here, this is a place that I shouldn't begin with.
I was love my job very much!
I love my team mates!
I love my bosses!
I love my company mission statement!
I love my colleagues!
I love my customers!
But, night mare didn't stop since my father past away.... Since the beginning of my new role assigned by my boss.
I have no experience, I have no chance to get a proper lead, their expectation on me is just too high just because they do not know me well, they dont know what I'm working on during the days that they have not joined company, and at the end...
Screwed up my appraisal, rating is suck until myself can't believe myself is that suck in working out my role.
I have been told that I need to learn the logical way that as a boss will think...
In my own perspective, I think that it's just because I couldn't find the logical as they said, that's why I'm still not capable to work as a management officer.
Am I wrong to have a though an actions like that?
Am I?
I didn't say anything to anybody but to talk to my own blog...
Dear blog, wish me luck! I want to fly away with colors!